Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Final Shield


Fields of dew
under the clouds
overcast sky
and dampened shrouds

unnerved and lost
in solid belief
in something
that truly
retains the innocence
in me

tired of being mistaken for
something you see to be
i am guilty of nothing but
deep sensitivity
that cannot unleash
that cannot be reached
whence I will let it not
outside of this reality

but
so framed
and so angry
as ones once trusted
condemned me
in whispers behind my back
like lying down on glass
and thinking it's a
tea party

the flower
is what's meant to be
so pour hot water
over me

over my broken soul
over my weakened body
so cold
whence it's folded
and whence they were cold
declaring it's a lie
so then,
am I a lie ?

well, I stand here for real
on some level
in some way
though not yours
or even mine

the truth is
and it's real
complex
but it's real
overlapping but
it's real
unique and never before
but
REAL

I cannot be hurt again
I will not be hurt again
I will not try my best
in a weakened state
forewarned
and be condemned
and tied into things
that are actually separate
and let myself
accept it
and hang my head down
in shame

and though i'm not letting off
all the blame
there is a point
where fairness is breached
repeatedly ..
why do I attract it?
guess that's my responsibility ...

So, am I finished with all of it?
do I need to be reborn?
in a place where the universe can be sworn
to not let you hurt me again
to not let ME hurt me again

Music notes are like totes
to be held, and sung
through the rain
'til the final shield surrounds me
not too fancy: bold and plain
so no one, or nothing
will hurt me
ever again

-N.M. Rose Guedes

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